The Importance of Detachment when Parents Talk to Teenagers

When we love someone we tend to want to pull them closer or hold them tighter. But often, especially with teenagers, this can push them away or cause them to withdraw. In this interview, writer and yoga expert Rachel Scott explains the concept of Aparigraha, meaning non-grasping or non-clinging. She says that parents can embody this principle by creating an open, loving space for teens to talk about whatever is on their mind.

Importantly, however, we have to be able to detach ourselves from the outcome. If we want or need for the conversation to go a certain way teenagers will instinctively pick up on our need and will avoid complying. So the idea is to create the proper atmosphere and then detach yourself from the outcome and be OK with whatever happens.

Your teen might not say anything at all.

Don’t let the outcome bother you.

But of course this brings up an important question. If you are completely detached from the outcome then you will never be able to talk to your teenager about pre-planned topics like college applications, sports tryouts, dating, or whatever else is on your mind. So the key is being able to find the balance between having some ideas about where you want the conversation to go but being OK with wherever it does end up going.

How can you do this?

Rachel lays it out on this week’s podcast episode…

As an example of how to put this into practice with your own teenager, I developed a word-for-word script you can use for inspiration (or even just memorize). To download it free now, enter your first name and email below. I’ll also show you how to sign up for my free 10-day email course that reveals the secret method behind the word-for-word script. And I’ll even hook you up with a free trial membership to the entire website!

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2 Quotes from
this Episode:

About Rachel Scott

A writer, yogi and educator based in Vancouver, BC, Rachel is passionate about helping students and teachers reach their personal and professional potential. Holding a Masters in Instructional Design, her educational specialty is supporting studios and teachers to create exciting, smart, and robust teacher trainings.

An author and blogger, Rachel writes for the Huffington Post, Yoga International, and maintains an award-winning blog here.  In her new book, the candid and hilarious Head Over Heels: A Yogi’s Guide to Dating, Rachel shares how to apply the principles of yoga to romantic relationships. In Wit and Wisdom from the Yoga Mat, she offers pithy practices and techniques to get more zen in your life.

Meet Rachel here! Twitter | Instagram.

About Andy
Andy Earle is a researcher at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles, where he studies adolescent risk behavior and the role of parents in helping teens thrive. He publishes papers and speaks to groups of parents about the science of talking to teens. Reach him any time at [email protected]
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